The ropes have been unbound.

When you first enter secondary school here you are usually twelve or thirteen years of age. Very little has happened in your life compared to the occurances which will unfold during your six years before college.
When I entered secondary I was shy and wanted nothing more then to be liked, I made friends with girls who were similar in temperament and intelligence to me and we quickly became extremely close.
When two new girls entered out group things began to change these girls were promiscuous, something alien to the four of us, we had no interest in boys or love or any of those things, we were focused on doing well and being good in school. These girls were constantly texting boys, meeting up with them and going galavanting behind the school, when we were allowed to wear casual clothes to school both these girls wore provocative outfits and were told by teachers to cover themselves, that visibility of their bras in school was unacceptable. We were critical of these girls but also jealous. as you get older and your hormones change so too does your outlook on life, you begin to think about wanting a boyfriend, needing one to be normal which was not easy for my group of four, we were all pretty in our own ways but we were different. This led to countless rejections and a true battering of my self-esteem and I very quickly gave up on anything to do with affection or love, I decided these were things i would never have and became accepting of that fact.
When I started my fourth year of school I lost my friends and was in a brand new class having to make new friends which was never my area of expertise. The class I had been assigned to was full of girls who were the polar opposite to me and my fourth year was one of self-loathing and deprecation as a felt I was never good enough for anything, I saw everyone around me being romantically involved as we were all 15 and 16 and I felt terrible about my self and branded love as an unobtainable curse.
When I was 17 i made a new group of friends one of whom was my cousin, we were hell raisers in class and people in school rarely  came near us because we were intimidating. My cousin and her best friend both had boyfriends and myself and the other friend did not, I suddenly felt okay about being single because I wasn't the only one.
However this did not stop a spiralling into a black abyss where one of the other girls resided, queen of the darkness, self-destructive and dangerous I was pulled in and soon I was introduced to a new world one where I could have fun sexually because at the weekends I was intoxicated which granted me a new false sense of confidence.
Those times were extremely black and I was involved with some boys and a few girls but still I hated myself and I was certain that true love did not exist, how could it when I was able to have relations with my best friend behind her boyfriends back, whom she supposedly loved.
By the end of my six years in secondary school, I had few real friends, when I hung around with this particular girl people avoided us because we were scary, we were dark and mean and I had become indifferent.
As I broke free of those dark restricting ropes which once held me I began to think of my self as being worth loving, i began to realise that I deserved happiness and not to be second best. I worked hard for months and had a few dates and interested boys but I wasn't ready to be serious with anybody because I did not feel as though I was ready to be in a serious relationship with my self, myself and I were still dating getting to know each other and I could not jeopradise my work for the sake of love, something I was terrified of having as it had never been generous to me in the past.
As I was turning twenty I began to see on the college campus, couples, holding hands, cuddling and kissing and I was suddenly desperate for somebody to want to hold my hand but I was still a little hesitant, I knew the love I wanted wasn't normal I knew it would not be easy because at this time I was very aware of the fact that if I was to enter into a relationship I wanted it to be with another girl. This fact caused me so much anxiety as I knew myself well enough to know that I did not have the confidence to per-sue anybody.
When I first went to mexico I was a much happier person than I had been in a long time and there I because more confident and out going as I had little choice if I wanted to enjoy myself, here I was introduced to a host of experiences and it was then that by complete coincidence i met you.
As I got to know you I began to understand how people could fall in love, I began to think that maybe I did have a soul mate, maybe I could let somebody love me, but I was very sure that somebody just had to be you.
You enlightened me and showed me so many things about life, my felling for you developed quickly as I had found somebody with whom I could speak freely, who would listen and care about what I was saying, somebody who was gorgeous and who actually thought I was pretty too.
I was infatuated with you very quickly and I realised that I had fallen in love. The feeling I thought would never happen within me happened and the sense of freedom and euphoria which accompanied it was immense.
That moment, that epiphany, was an experience which served as a turning point in my life. As we grew closer and you asked me out and we became better acquainted with one another I think we both grew a lot, I know that I developed both emotionally and psychologically as you made me realise so many things about my world and about life in general.
Now I sit here in my room, twelve days from moving to another country and the shadow of who I was has disappeared in the bright illuminating light which is our love
Before I never saw my future, it barely existed now I can look into the future and see many years of this happiness, friendship and love. You changed my world, my life my mind and I sit here now a happy and complete person because you loved me. Because you saw me.

D.Mount